


Hey There Sammy

by Sassyandsarcastic15



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AUSam, Destiel - Freeform, Djinn Sam Winchester, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, One Shot, Sam/Castiel - Freeform, Samifer - Freeform, Sasstiel, sam winchester au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29598888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassyandsarcastic15/pseuds/Sassyandsarcastic15
Summary: This book focuses on different AUs about Sam and exactly what he is, although many other characters will be present throughout this fanfic. Almost every piece (of pie, am I right?) has slightly different pairs and a different version of Sam (and some of the other characters).Relationships include but aren't limited to: m|w, m|m, and w|w. Sam might also be single in some.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak, Lucifer/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 5





	1. God!Sam

**Author's Note:**

> Supernatural doesn't belong to me, but rather the CW Channel. Please know it belongs to CW and their affiliated staff and such. 
> 
> This is my first Supernatural fanfic. This definitely isn't my first fanfic, nor is it my first time with multiple ships in one book. Although I'm not much of a Destiel shipper, I understand that many people are. Destiel will be included throughout this fanfic, however, the main focus is Sam. 
> 
> Sam is my favorite Supernatural character, in case you didn't know. This book focuses on different AUs about Sam and exactly what he is, although many other characters will be present throughout this fanfic. Almost every piece (of pie, am I right?) has slightly different pairs and a different version of Sam (and some of the other characters). I tried to include lots of minor characters too. 
> 
> Relationships include but aren't limited to: m|w, m|m, and w|w. Sam might also be single in some. I could add Sam in a relationship, but I'm not positive. If you want a ship for something I don't have written down, let me know. I'll try and make it work! 🤗😁
> 
> Here's the outline, if you want to see the general overview (this might not be the exact order, as I get ideas as I get them):
> 
> ~God!Sam
> 
> ~Djinn!Sam/Gabriel 
> 
> ~Crossroad Demon!Sam/Lucifer
> 
> ~Demon!Sam/Lucifer
> 
> ~Ghost!Sam
> 
> ~Reaper!Sam/Gabriel
> 
> -Werewolf!Sam/Vampire!Gabriel 
> 
> ~Vampire!Sam/Werewolf!Gabriel (reversed, but very different)
> 
> ~Nephilim!Sam
> 
> ~Evil!Sam/Lucifer 
> 
> ~Soulless!Sam (a bit different from canon)/Multiship
> 
> ~Prophet!Sam
> 
> ~Female!Sam (you'll see ;))/Multiship 
> 
> ~Witch!Sam/Multiship
> 
> ~King Of Hell!Sam
> 
> ~Prince of Hell!Sam
> 
> ~Angel!Sam 
> 
> Sideships: 
> 
> *Charlie/Dorothy
> 
> *Charlie/Gilda 
> 
> *Claire/Kaia (except these two, I'm not shipping them with anyone else)
> 
> *Destiel (some)
> 
> *Other ships I'm forgetting. 
> 
> *All will depend upon what'll work best.

"Brother," said Dean coldly, looking as though he'd rather be in the universe where every time the sun came up, the Dora the Explorer theme song came on- the sun set to the a Pitbull mash over of Wap A Gangnam Style. Given, Dean had created that universe, so he probably would be happy there. 

Sam peered up from the ancient book that he was reading, careful closing it with a reverence that made Dean sneer. How the hell was his brother even his brother? Hell, how was his brother a powerful God? Dean hated Sam, and Dean was almost positive that the feeling was mutual. After all, Dean had locked Sam in the darkness of the ground for over twenty thousand years- it would be impossible for Sam to even like him, much less love him, after that. 

Dean had always thought that Sam had been a little to... feminine for the job- perhaps feminine wasn't right, as the Greek Goddess Athena had beat Dean's ass in war multiple times. Dean had always thought Sam was much too soft and gentle for a God, too dedicated to peace and life to see the glory in bloodshed and violence. 

Dean had to lock Sam away- it was for Sam's own good, even if Sam denied it. Sam had wanted to keep the rogue angels- Ruby, Lilith, Jack, Claire, Crowley, Kevin, Andy, Charlie, Gadreel, and all the other angels that chose to rebel- in hopes of teaching them other ways, to hear them out and continue to love them regardless of their flaws. It was nauseating and disgusting, at the very least. They were damaged, and no one wanted damaged, broken toys, especially not one of the first Gods. Dean had been quick to toss them away, sending them into the burning molten and sulfur without even hesitating or asking Sam about it first. 

And Sam had become completely distraught. He mourned constantly, refusing to create anything, even something as simple as a flower petal. He sobbed near Heaven's throne for years, only moving to go about and walk on Earth in hopes of hearing about his children, his broken family. 

His family was broken, like a dropped mirror that was so shattered that you couldn't put it back together. But to Sam, it didn't matter, it wouldn't ever matter. To Sam, the family was still whole, just a bit troubled. It didn't matter that there had been mistakes, all that matter was righting them and moving on with knowledge not to do it again. Sam still had hundreds of other family members- other angels and his brother, Dean- but Sam couldn't live with his damaged family. He couldn't live with his remaining family, not when the rest of them were suffering. 

Dean was forced to lock Sam away when Sam found out that his children- Sam had more or less created angels, while Dean messed around with humanity- had been changed into creatures that wanted to hurt all other forms of life, from cute baby bunnies to newborn babies that gurgled and cried. 

Sam had screamed at Dean and all the angels that lied to him so loudly that the all of humanity got scared and hid for no apparent reason. The continent that the brothers had made together, called Pangea by the duo, had split into many pieces, bound to slowly drift apart. With a raise fist, a deep cannon formed in a land that would later be known as America, and Sam's tears formed the lake found at the bottom of the jagged cannon. 

Dean, with the help of his most trusted angels, managed to create a cage deep in the ground where Sam would be caged for eternity. Micheal, Adam, Jo, Ellen, Cassie, Lisa, Ben, Benny, Chuck, Anna, Amara, and roughly one hundred more angels assembled a cage that would hold Sam for eternity, the lock being a simple mark that Dean deemed "The Marking of Love". 

Adam had lowered Sam into the cage by mocking the voice of Alfie, one of angels who had fallen. Cassie stood on the sideline, voicing Ruby. Sam was quick to go running, plunging into the ground without thinking, as he was so desperate to see his family whole again. Cassie smirked at Adam, using all her power to shut the door without attracting Sam's attention- he didn't notice, as he was desperately calling out for his lost children. And Adam locked the door with the marking that Dean had created. 

The other ninety-eight angels then began to fill the hole in the ground, trying their hardest to ignore their father's anguished screams. As he screamed and fell to his knees weeping, more dirt was thrown in the ground, eventually hiding the fact that Sam was buried in the ground there. 

"Brother mine," said Sam gently, snapping Dean out of his brief flashback. "You asked to see me." 

Right," said Dean, grabbing a bottle of beer from the table. He lazily took a seat in the chair, looking at Sam with a pained look. "You should stop trying to save the Fallen. They're all demons, and they can't be saved. 

"I've come with an offer, and I think you'll like it. I've created this new universe, and in this universe, they'll never be a Fall. The angels will just behave and nothing bad will happen. So, what do you say Sammy?" 

Sam gave Dean a thin lipped smile, looking up at Dean with cold, dead eyes- Sam's eyes had held that look the second his children had Fallen, and the look never really left. Sam's hair, a dark chocolate color, had been pulled into a bun. His hair had went to his shoulders the last time Dean had saw him; Sam's hair had also been lighter and less messy, but Dean guessed that Sam really didn't care anymore. Even the ridiculously loose fitting flannel he wore looked old and used, despite the fact that it still had the tags on it. 

Sam had always been the more passive of the two, and his voice had always taken on a gentle tone, like a mother trying to console a crying child. Even all these years later, despite everything that happened, Sam had the same tone and gentle demeanor. 

With that gently heartbreaking tone, Sam said, "I must decline your offer, brother mine. For you see, brother oh mine, this is what I feared would happen. You never understood a single thing about any of this. I guess that I shouldn't be surprised, my beloved brother." 

"Why do you include brother something every sentence? It's weird," said Dean, taking a large drink. His eyes darted over to the cheap cherry flavored soda that Sam was drinking, causing him to sigh at Sam's whole "alcohol and abstinence" policies- Sam refused to drink alcohol, and Sam refused to have sex for some reason Dean couldn't remember. "And why would you decline?" 

Sam looked pained, as though he had just been stabbed directly in the heart. "Oh brother, of course you wouldn't understand the gesture upon which I have tried to bestow upon you. I simply wish to reacquaint you with the fact that I am your brother, and that I still love you, you arrogant jerk. And though you may fail to understand the gesture of sweetness and compassionate, as all you think of is alcohol, sex and violence, I love you all the same. For you, brother dearest, I have chosen to forgive." 

"I'm sorry, but does this look like the Jane Austin era? No one talks like that. You sound like a sophisticated nerd," said Dean. "You are a sophisticated nerd." 

"Nerd?" Sam smiled faintly, vanishing almost as quickly as it had appeared. "Is this a new term of endearment?" 

Dean had two options, both of which kinda sucked. He could be truthful, which would inevitably cause Sam to give him one of those "it's all okay, and I get that you don't love me, but I still love you" smiles. Dean also knew that Sam would likely be hurt by the truth, and Sam might feel even more heartbroken by the statement. The lie, on the other hand, would cause Sam to smile in a "maybe you actual like me kind of way". 

"It's a term that you call a loser," said Dean, giving Sam a cold smile. 

Sam sighed, sinking further into his chair. "Why must you attack me like this? All I do is try to be compassionate and loving, but you stomp upon my nonexistent heart as though I am nothing more than a flower in a field for you to step on." 

"Why do you have to be so soft?" asked Dean, taking a larger gulp of his drink, nearly sighing at the taste. "Why must you be so... you?" 

Sam cocked his head to the side, giving Dean a purely innocent smile. "Why must you be so tough? Why can't you just take a moment to think?"

"Where did you learn so much English? Do you even remember Enochian?" asked Dean, 

"Your creations, the beautiful life form called humanity, prayed. I could hear them, all kinds of voices. I heard the soft, innocent voices of children, unknowingly praying to me. I heard adults who prayed to the "mythological brother" of the only real God as a last resort. All the animals and plants, even the small bacteria cells, that crossed above where I was hidden praised me," said Sam, smiling faintly. 

"Enochian?" asked Dean. 

"Of course," said Sam nonchalantly. "I speak every language, even the dead ones. I didn't forget, for my children and I communicated for most of my imprisonment." 

"They called out to you?" Dean looked shocked, as though he learned that Sam had a secret string of lovers. 

"Yes, my children called out to me. Garth even searched for me- he never stopped until I was finally freed, actually. You used their siblings to murder them. I think that this conversation is nearly over," said Sam, picking back up his drink. 

Dean watched his brother with an intense stare. Dean watched the cherry soda coat his lips in a faint red color, although Sam didn't notice or didn't care- perhaps both. Dean continued watching Sam drink his drink at an infuriatingly slow speed, causing Dean to grit his teeth. Dean ignored the sound of the door opening, wishing to smite the person responsible for interrupting. 

"Dean," called out a gruff voice. 

Sam put down his drink, tensing up in his seat. Sam had no idea who this person was, but he feared that he might end up back in the ground in another cage. Sam wondered if trying to play nice wasn't worth it, if stating that he was tired and downright bitchy would have benefited him. He wondered if he should have just said that he wanted his children back and made it happen, because Sam doubted that Dean actually gave a crap about humanity. No, Sam promised himself that he wouldn't act like Dean did. Sam would never burn out the eyes of half Dean's children and cut the wings off the others half...

"Castiel, I thought I told you to go," said Dean, sighing tiredly. Dean then noticed Sam's curious look. "This is Castiel. He's my... self made boyfriend for the time being. Until I get bored of him, like I did the others."

Sam stood up, rising above both Dean and Castiel. Sam gently reached a hand out, caressing Castiel's face as though he had never touched angel in a perfectly made vessel- for reference, he never had. He studied Cass's inky colored hair, looking at the mess Cass called with great joy. Sam gently touched the fabric of Castiel's light tan trench coat, grinning widely before poking Cass's striped tie. He poked Cass's nose, moving on rather quickly to touch the stubble on Cass's face. 

"He's beautiful," said Sam in awe. "He's almost... perfect. It's very nice to meet you, Mr.Castiel." 

"You never told me that beauty ran your creation," said Cass as he stared Sam. "Wait a second! Is that... isthatactuallyhim?" 

"What?" asked Sam. "I have no idea what you said." 

"Are you actually him? Are you actually Samuel, Dean's brother?" asked Cass with wide eyes. 

"Yes," said Sam, smiling faintly. "I should burn your eyes out." 

"I... I didn't mean to offend you," said Cass quickly, looking over at Dean for help. "I offer my deepest-"

"That's nice, I guess," said Sam. "I'm not interested in where the sentence was headed. All I want are my children. That's all I desire. I want... I want my little kids back." 

"Then go to Hell, and then, and only then, I'll give them back to you if you still want them," said Dean smirking. There was no way Sam would stomach a visit to Hell and see what his children had done, much less want them back. 

"Agreement reached," said Sam, vanishing before Dean- or the angel in a trench coat- could say another word. 

"I think Sam's right," said Dean, stretching lazily. "You're getting boring Cass. I'm sick of you and all your luggage. I shouldn't have listened to Benny. I should have kept creating bodies with hardly any personality for me to use. Personality was always Sam's thing, and he was, admittedly, pretty good at it. All you do, Cass, is cry and whine."

"Please don't destroy me yet. I'm new. I'll stop whining and crying," said Cass, looking up at Dean with a pout. 

"I'm doing it," said Dean stubbornly.

"Please don't touch them yet. They're new. They'll stop rebelling and destroying," said Sam, looking up at Dean with puppy eyes. 

"Hmm... I won't," said Dean. 

"Damn it," said Dean. "Cass, how the hell do I fix big issues? You're sensitive, and Sam's even more sensitive." 

"Sam wants his kids," said Castiel thoughtfully, sitting next to Dean. The angel put his head on Dean's shoulder, smiling softly. "So give Sam his kids." 

~

"Papa," said Jack softly, looking at Sam with astonishment. He put down the blade he was using to interrogate the demon Azazel with, looking as though he had found the answers to everything- in a sense he had. "Asmodeus, fetch Ruby and Lilith and tell them that dad is back. Meg, go fetch Charlie and Kevin- tell him to put down that damn Demon Tablet while you're there. Dagon, fetch Gadreel and Crowley. Tell those boneheads to gather up the rest of us." 

"My son, my darling son!" proclaimed Sam, embracing Jack in a tight hug. 

Jack hugged back, almost momentarily forgetting that his father was the most powerful being that had every entered Hell, even more power than all the demons and Fallen Angels alike. It was hard to remember that Sam is a God, especially when he would try to communicate telepathically with his children; he would sob loudly when he thought they couldn't hear him, softly cursing out his brother and trying to answer all of humanities prayers. 

"Father," said Crowley, nearly gasping at the fact that Sam was hugging Jack and gently stroking his hair. Crowley had thought that Sam's freedom would cause the the end of the world. It seemed that Gabriel Shurley, the idiot that let Sam out in hopes of saving his moronic brother, had caused no harm after all. If anything, Gabriel Shurley should be written down as a hero for freeing their father. 

"Dad," said Andy, hobbling forward with Gadreel supporting him. Andy's eyes, which had taken Sam over three hours to perfectly create, had been burned out. It seemed to be a curse, as even the human vessel that Andy possessed had burnt out eyes. 

"My children," cried Sam joyfully. "This is not your home any longer. I understand that you've probably grown attached to this... I don't know the word. Uhm, land? Realm? Yes, realm! But I would like to take you home, as you deserve to be treated better. You should all be in Heaven, creating galaxies and answering prayers. You know, creating galaxies, answering prayers- the family business. 

"Dean has agreed to this, as my brother summoned me to a meeting. He has also taken up a lover apparently. Don't tell him I told you, but the jerk can't create angels like I can. Nor can he-"

"Bitch, I can hear you," said Dean, smiling. He'd brought them into Heaven, just like he promised he would. He gave all of Sam's children, all of whom where Fallen Angels twenty-four hours ago, a nod. Dean opened the golden gates, giving the angels that had sided in with him, a nod. 

All of the angels rushed to hug each other after sensing that that was what Sam, their father, wanted them to do. They took turns hugging each other, Sam included in the hugging. Dean wasn't included in any of the hugging and crying, as he was currently being pinned to the wall by a very eager Castiel, and no one felt the need to go over and disturb the rapidly undressing couple. 

And Sam, with all his children no longer fighting any huge wars (Anna and Gadreel were arguing about who was Sam's favorite kid was while Jack shouted that he was, but that was typical sibling stuff), felt happy. Sam, one of the powerful Gods, truly smiled for the first time in what felt like forever.


	2. Djinn!Sam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is a Djinn. His brother, Dean, finds him after a long time. It also turns out that Castiel isn’t exactly very nice…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak-Shurley are two human hunters. Dean's brother, who no one talks about, vanished after his girlfriend died. Together, the two set off to work case that seems to be a Djinn, except things get complicated very quickly. 
> 
> Also, very evil Castiel. Implied Sam/Gabriel at the end.... I guess.

~

"It's a Djinn," said Castiel, looking up from one of Dean's lore books. Well, the books weren't actually Dean's books, but no one dared to mention the other Winchester. "It's the only thing that fits."

"Are you positive?" asked Dean, cracking open a bottle of alcohol. It was his fifth bottle that night, but Dean didn't count nor did Cass bother to anymore. Dean was well beyond the verge of becoming an alcoholic, but Cass was fearful of bring up the topic, as Dean got oh so very angry about it. "A Djinn in Vermont? Must like snow or something." 

"Well, you should take a look at the articles for the missing people," said Castiel, handing Dean their broken down laptop. 

DARCIA GRACE RICHARDS IS THE FIFTH PERSON TO GO MISSING IN STOWE, VERMONT. POLICE ARE INVESTIGATING, BUT COMING BACK WITHOUT ANSWERS OR LEADS! 

Written by Eris Gryfinburg

Darcia Grace Richards of Stowe, Vermont, is the fifth person to go missing. She was last seen five days ago at the house of Wilfred Darcy, who had went missing a couple months earlier while in a coma. She never returned home to her mother and stepfather, Anastasia Grey and Andrew Grey. 

It's known that three months earlier, Darcia Richards tried to commit suicide at the local church on the anniversary of her girlfriend's death. Sister Rosetta Marque found her and managed to assist Darcia in getting an ambulance. We have statements from Sister Rosetta Marque and several of Darcia's close friends. 

"It's a terrible tragedy," said Sister Rosetta Marque earlier for the press. "Luckily for both of us, God was among us and heard my prayers. God saved Darcia and gave her a chance for redemption. God is among us, and the miracles that he performs prevail. Look at Darcia and know that God's love will prevail!" 

One of Darcia's friends, Janet Holper, reached out to the press as well. The eighteen year old has known Darcia since they went to preschool together. 

"Darcia told me that she'd been struggling. Ever since Avery passed away, Darcia... she hasn't been the same. She... she said that Andrew was mean to her," said Janet. "Darcia said that he used to hit her and stuff, but her mom said it never happened. She always had bruises. I'm... I'm surprised it took her this long to up and flee town to be honest." 

Dora Ricardo also gave a statement. 

"She used to come to me for help with Spanish. I knew her a good bit, and I was Avery's best friend. They started dating, and I began to know Darcia uhm, better, I guess. She used to show me her cheerleader moves with her stringy puff balls- pom poms. She was never the same after what happened." 

Vic Grimmers also gave a statement to the press. 

"Darcia told me she was going to see [Wilfred] Darcy," they told the press. "Darcy encountered a strange person who brought him out of a coma and gave him a life with his dead husband. Darcy's husband died... ugh, two years ago. He was... like, eighty years old or something. There was someone named... err, Sabbath Winter. No, no! It was... Sammatth Winhester or something." 

"I guess this is our thing," said Dean glumly, slouching over in his chair. 

"I think you should reread the last paragraph," said Castiel gently, embracing for the inevitable backlash. 

Dean's eyes scanned the article, stopping when they reached the last sentence. Dean slammed the laptop closed, his beer long forgotten. "Get your stuff. We're leaving now!" 

~

"Why is the FBI interested in Darcia?" asked Vic, looking at the agents as though they were ticking time bombs. Their eyes were a dark brown color, and they had a very intense stare for being a eighteen-year-old skater teen. With floppy black hair and dark eyeliner, they could have passed for starring in a low-budget punk pop music video. Even the worn shoes looked like something out of a truly low-budget alternative music video. 

"There's a serial killer hopping state to state," said Castiel, looking over at Dean briefly before returning his gaze to Vic. "We want to make sure that nothing happens to Darcia. There's a name you mentioned in the article, and I'm curious as to where you heard it?" 

"Do you know, possibly, where Wilfred Darcy meet this figure?" asked Dean, opening his notebook with his black gel plan at the ready. 

"Umm, Wilfred talked about this figure when he got back... like, all the time. He never stopped talking about him, actually. Wilfred called the figure a genie or some shit similar to that. Wilfred should have died, and the mysterious figure helped Wilfred out. Wilfred was in a deep coma, and he survived," answered Vic.

"Where'd he meet this figure?" asked Dean, gritting his teeth to ignore cursing out a vulgar string of words. 

"I just said he was in a coma. How the hell would I know?" Vic laughed at Dean. "Officer Stump, you could just go talk to him. He loves talking about it. He practically idolized the guy or something." 

"Agent Costello, l think we should go. We need to speak to Wilfred," said Dean, standing up and thanking Vic for all their help before walking out the door with Agent Costello. 

"More like FBI gaygents," said Vic, pulling out their phone to text their mother.

~

"Mister Wilfred Darcy?" asked Dean, hoping that this was the right address. 

"Yes," said the elderly man. His face was full of wrinkles, making Vic's age estimation seem on point. With white tuffs of hair in every direction, he truly seemed ancient. But his eyes were different; they held the look of a rebellious teenager. "How can I help you both?" 

Castiel gave the man a smile. "I'm Agent Costello, and this is my partner, Agent Stump. We're here from the FBI with some question regarding someone you met. You call this person a genie or something?" 

Wilfred gained a smile. "Come in."

Dean and Castiel stepped inside, awkwardly sitting on the couch that was just further down the hallway from the door. Wilfred closed and locked the door, slowly walking over and taking a seat in the recliner. 

"What would you like to know about him?" asked Wilfred, sounding reverent. 

"What's his name? A description? Where were you? Did he hurt you? Was anyone else there? Anything you can tell me," said Cass. 

Wilfred smiled at Castiel. "His name is Sam Winchester. He's very tall, kinda feminine. Umm... longer hair, although I can't remember exactly how long it was. Hmm... adorable puppy eyes, absolutely adorable puppy eyes. He appeared to be white. Ngk... wore lots of flannel.

"We were in a wear-house or something on the outskirts. Maybe an abandoned building? I could remember seeing the tip of the church top. I was kept in a bed, covered up in flannel sheets. I wasn't restrained in any way either. 

"I... I think there were others. Everyone... they were, uhm, sleeping. They were like me. All of 'em were in bed, all covered up. He always kept us safe too!" 

Cass nodded. "How did you escape from him? Was he hostile? Did you kill him?" 

Wilfred looked appalled. "Why would I kill him? He said he didn't know I was going to wake up. He chatted with me over a beer and some vegetarian food- salad, I think. Then, he drove me home. He sends me cards and everything."

"Hmm..." Dean grunted. "Was there anything odd about him? Anything odd about the others?" 

"No. I mean, I felt a bit light headed when I woke up, but that's all." Wilfred nodded. "He was such a nice man."

"Did he have fangs or anything suspicious?" Cass leaned forward in his chair. "Perhaps maybe the others' hearts were missing or something?"

"What the hell kind of FBI agents are you?" Wilfred rolled his eyes. "As I told everyone, he's a genie. He grants wishes."

"I think that'll do," said Dean, standing up. "We thank you for your time." 

"But please, I insist you have a cup of coffee. I haven't gotten many visitors. I thought you might also like to meet Sam. He's coming over tonight," said Wilfred.

"Nah, we must insist that we go," said Dean, smiling sadly at the man. "Agent Way wants a report on everything that's happened, and we have to go write it up. But thank you." 

"Of course," said Wilfred. "Why don't you run along and write up your report? You can just visit me at a later time."

"That sounds fabulous," said Castiel, smiling at the man. "We'll come back, I promise."

"Run along boys. I don't want you getting in trouble because of little old me," said Wilfred, ushering them out the door. He closed the door, locking it and checking out the window to make sure the hunters were gone. It was only then that he pulled out his phone and dialed up Sam Winchester. 

~

Samuel Winchester, better known as Sam Winchester, was a quiet being. He lived on the outskirts of town, occasionally going into town to intermingle with some of the residents and buy supplies. No one really knew much about him, aside from the fact that he bought ten blankets and pillows from Rita Smith. It was also worth noting that he bought some lettuce, salad dressing and fruit on a bi-weekly schedule. 

Sam Winchester was very complex, like a book of spells written in Enochian whose codes can only be unlocked by someone who drank thirty bottles of beers and eating pasta while simultaneously dancing to an offbeat version of a Kidz Bop sing. He was just... strange. He was like a three thousand piece puzzle whose pieces are all just the same shade of green.

And Sam was just... lonely. He was so very lonely. He knew, that deep down, he had a soulmate. It was never mentioned in the Quran, at least not in the versions Sam had found[1]. And Sam knew that now he wasn't human, he was screwed in the romantic field, although he had been long before that. The lore on Djinn was rare at best, especially considering that he wasn't exactly sure how he'd turned into a creature that he'd previously hunted. At best, he could guess it had something to do with the pesky witch whose spell hit him. 

The witch's name was Gabriel Novak-Shurley, and he was a bitch- and Sam was being nice when he said this. Gabriel had done something to Sam using some dark, forbidden magic, but the witch really didn't care. He'd smiled, although soon after, he looked like he was in great pain. He'd fled, and Sam had tried to follow the witch in hopes of killing him or gathering him for torture like his brother asked- Dean had a thing for torturing people for information. 

And since that day, Sam had been picking people who were in desperate need of help. He picked people in comas, suicidal people, those that would die in a short period of time, or those that were beyond saving- occasionally, he might pick someone who was troubled elsewhere. He would take them in and grant their wish. 

When they entered their dreamland, Sam would feed off of them. All of the people agreed willingly on their own accord, except for the comatose patients that were slowly dying- Sam figured that he was doing no harm by causing them to be happy in their dying days while he also survived. 

And now the hunters were after him. They wanted him dead, and he really never hurt anyone. He lived in a small little house with barely anything to his name, always fearing what would happen the day that he met the witch again- Sam had thought that last time, the witch was going to attack him before he fled. Sam had always tried to be gentle and not to hurt anyone- he'd always picked those in need. Hell, Sam had even tried to create a spell to bind the witch to him or to bind the witch's magic so that no more blood than necessary would be one his hands. 

Sam realized that fleeing would never work. The town was too small, and he was sure someone would be able to help the hunters find him before he could even pack a bag. He couldn't leave the pictures of Dean and Bobby lying all over the place, especially if certain hunters came in and raided the place- Dean and Bobby didn't deserve to be highlighted as bad people because Sam wasn't a human. 

All due to that pesky witch by the name of Gabriel. All because that candy eating gremlin chose to curse Sam. Sam wasn't sure if he'd be able to just bind the witch, as he really wanted revenge- no, he refused to become John. He would like to at least see the witch suffer slightly, but there was multiple ways of accomplishing that- death wasn't really an effective method of torture anyways. Maybe he could reason with the hunters...

It was only then he heard the front door of his house open, allowing for a cold gust of wind to enter the house- Sam wanted to holler, "shut the door," but he didn't. He looked around the back room again, smiling faintly. 

"There's no furniture. Cass, are you sure you got the right address from Pastor Kevin Tran?" asked a voice, kicking around the few things that Sam had managed to get his hands on. 

The voice almost sounded familiar, and a pang of pain ran through Sam's chest. Dean would never find out about what happened and why Sam fled. Maybe it was better that his brother didn't see the mess Sam had become reduced down to. Hell, that witch would get off with a single punishment for what he did. 

"Yes," said Cass. Was it Cass? How many hunters were there? "I don't make mistakes."

"Of course you don't," said the first voice, sounding irritated. "Hang on. Hold your flashlight up on the wall! I see some pictures and writing. It... it looks like the stuff we do for hunts. You... you don't think the Djinn killed the hunter that lived here... do you think?" 

"I... I honestly don't know," said the second voice. "Hang on a minute! That's my brother! That's Gabriel! But... who was looking for him? Does that say witch?" 

"It sure does," the other voice said. "A powerful witch, apparently. Hmm... a binding spell! That's really neat! My little brother-"

"Dean, I heard a noise from the back room." 

Dean? There was no way that could be Sam's brother, Dean. It just wasn't possible. 

The door opened, revealing two silhouette figures, both of whom shined bright lights in Sam's eyes. As if it wasn't bad enough that Sam was huddled in a ball on the floor wrapped in a blanket! Since when did hunters use flashlights that bright? 

"Sammy," said Dean, lowering his flashlight. "Cass, you get the lights."

Cass nodded hesitantly, walking over and turning on the lights. The room was dim even after turning on the lights, illuminating everything in pale light. There were ten people in the room, seven of whom were the ones who had their wishes granted. 

"Dean?" asked Sam, nearly crying at the sight of his brother. 

Dean was, indeed, fairly tall. Freckles dotted his face, each one causing his eyes to seem greener in color. Truly, he was beautiful, even all these years later. Even though he'd changed, no longer looking so childlike, he was still beautiful in one of the most strangest ways. He was beautiful, as in he should be a model beautiful. 

"What is the meaning of this?" seethed Cass angrily. "Why is my brother taped to your wall, you monster?" 

Sam rolled his eyes. "Great, I didn't even get an introduction to Mister I-Haven't-Got-Laid-In-Awhile. By the way, I'm a Djinn, you twat!" 

"Wonderful," said Cass. "You're still a monster!"

"Not as bad as your bitch of brother! If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be a genie! I wouldn't have to get volunteers for any of this!" roared Sam, standing to his feet. "Your stupid brother had to curse me with some shitty spell in some shitty cabin in the middle of the woods! How's that fair? So yeah, I'm kinda hunting your brother down. And when I find him, he's going to pay!"

"You're not killing my brother, you sick psycho." Cass gave Sam a sneer. "And I'm here to slaughter you like the vile creature you are. Right Dean?" 

"We're not killing my brother," said Dean in a firm voice. "Especially when you've been lying! You said that Gabriel was a magician!" 

"How would you have felt if I would have told you that my brother was a freak show?" Cass asked angrily. "Gabriel is something else, literally. His first words was in the language that's native to demons. So, we locked him away when he was a teenager and lied about his existence. My aunt Amara protested, so we threw her in too.

"He was always a horny bastard, and I always worried he would escape. And when he did escape, I had to pretend to care! I had to pretend to love him for years! All of this pretending, all so that I could find my brother and finally end him.

"And I'm not surprised he cursed your brother. He was always so lonely for a companion or something even better- his soulmate or soulmates. He would even take a freak like your brother over the loneliness. I guess he just couldn't get a dating app, although I probably would have found him, so maybe he was wise not too. 

"Why do you think I picked to hang out with you Dean? I literally could have nailed Hannah or that hot chick Meg, yet I chose you. Trust me, I could never love you," spat Cass. 

"Okay Castiel," said Dean. "It doesn't matter to me. No one comes before my brother, especially not a love interest. If this is the path you want, I'll give it you. But my brother is known throughout America, and trust me when I tell you that it doesn't matter that he's not human."

"I'll kill him," said Castiel, grinning slightly at Dean. "Just because I had to tolerate you doesn't mean we can't fix this. You step aside, and I'll kill Sam for you. And then, the two of us can go bang some hot chicks."

"Sorry," said Dean, stepping away from Castiel. "I'm not into animals. But you go have at it."

"Dean, that's not what I meant," said Castiel in an irritable tone. "Don't make me kill you too." 

"You know what Castiel?" said Dean, stepping forward. "You'll have to go through me to kill him. You know why? I'm going to be a good brother!"

"Oh whatever," said Cass, tilting his head and giving Dean a grin. "This is going to be so fun." 

"Honestly," said Sam from where he was slowly standing, "I pity your brother. I actually want to hug that candy eating gremlin and give him the love he was obviously deprived of. No wonder he went off the deep end. If I had to look at you everyday, Castiel, I would go mad too. Knowing that a spoiled brat that obviously needs a sugar daddy got pampered but I didn't would stop my elevator from going to the top floor." 

If Dean would have been drinking, he would have spit up his drink. However, he hadn't been drinking anything, so he couldn't spit out his drink. Later, when Dean would inevitably take Sam to some cheap end restaurant to get an explanation, Dean would have to ask Sam where he'd come up with all these snarky comments. Dean wasn't sure how Castiel hadn't floated to the roof and burst into flames from the sheer bluntness of Sam's commentary. 

"Umm... that was rude. I just pity your poor mother. I, too, would have randomly combusted six months after giving birth to you if I had to keep looking at you," said Castiel. 

"I mean no disrespect when I say this, but was that really the best you could do?" Sam rolled his eyes, smiling. "I'm getting now why Wilfred called and told me that one of the agents looked like something out of a nightmare. I mean, I think my theory about men that try to be "one of the cool kids" having a smaller genital size is definitely not being disapproved right now." 

"Sam, stop," said Dean, nearly snorting. "You can't expect him to recover from being brutal injuries that quickly. I'm kinda surprised that he didn't turn into a puddle of goo on the floor." 

"Nah," said Sam, waving his hand dismissively. "I like men on my floor for other reasons. Usually because they can't kill me then, but that sounds less interesting, I guess. It sounds less mysterious and less risqué." 

"Sam, it's fine if you're a top. Just don't do it in front of me," said Dean with a smile. 

"Dean, please stop," said Sam. "Tell your deranged pal over that he can either go peacefully or that he can face me."

"I'll face you," said Castiel, pulling out a knife dipped in blood. "That's right! I have a knife dipped in lamb's blood." 

"Haha dumbass," came a cheerful voice. "That's cherry juice. I have many friends." 

Castiel slowly turned around, greeted with the presence of his smaller, yet older, brother. "Gabriel, this isn't funny. I'll deal with you next."

"Did you miss me?" 

"No," said Castiel in a tired voice. 

"I'll face you regardless," said Sam, snapping his joints as he stood up. "You can chose how exactly up end up on the floor. You can kneel for submission, and I'll leave you alone. Or, I'll force you onto my floor. Maybe it'll be just your body without the soul that ends up on the floor. Completely your choice." 

"As if I'd kneel for a monster like you," said Cass bitterly. 

"To each their own," said Sam, making brief eye contact with Gabriel. 

It was a curious thing, almost like Gabriel wasn't exactly sure how he felt about Sam either. The look in his eyes was one of curiously and great interest. It was the most intense stare Sam had received in a long time, and Sam wasn't sure how exactly he was supposed to interpret it. Sam was pretty sure that when Jessica had given him that look, they'd ended up in bed naked. Sam was more intrigued than anything, giving the witch a wink that said later. 

"You ready to get your ass kicked?" asked Cass, still holding 

"Whenever you're ready pretty," said Sam, choosing that he would just take Cass on weaponless. And now, it was time to evaluate Cass. It was time for Sam to figure out what exactly Cass liked and disliked, what would make him back off almost immediately. It was time to read the mind of Castiel. 

Sam closed his eyes. Castiel loved bees, trench coats, cats, hunting, his father and nearly all his siblings, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. On the other hand, Castiel hated the dark, being alone, Gabriel, all supernatural beings (especially Sam), spiders, being confined, controlling men and being a normal person. Fascinating. 

Sam needed to figure out how exactly to use any of that to his advantage. Sam wished he could get on par with Gabriel so that they could team up. Sam didn't want Dean getting hurt; Sam just couldn't risk Dean's life, especially when it was only Sam's life was on the line. Controlling men? That might be easy.

Sam turned and winked at his brother, who got some sort of message. 

Sam's wink had meant, "Hey, I'm going to play a game to toy with him in hopes of avoiding a fight. I need you to play along." Dean's wink in return had meant, "Understood Sammy. I'll do whatever it is to avoid that fight from breaking out." 

To Dean, Sam's wink had meant, "I'm giving you the briefest of apologizes, which I'll include more details in later. However, I'm scared, and I need you to step in and intervene. I need you to back me in this fight or take it over completely." Dean's wink had meant, "Of course Sammy. I'll gladly throw the first punch, and I'll help however else I can. Apology accepted." 

"Dean, go make me a toast," ordered Sam in a snippy tone, seeing his brother's jaw drop. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go make me a damn toast! Are you too incompetent to do that or what? Make me a toast right now!"

Dean understood now. It was time for him to pretend to make a toast while secretly readying his weapons. "Uhm... with what topping?" 

"How uneducated are you? I want a toast!" Sam looked around the back room, smirking when he found a glass vase. He went over, picking it up gently. He then threw it all the wall, the smirk replaced with a withering look. "YOU MADE ME DO THIS! YOU MADE ME ANGRY! WHY COULDN'T YOU EVER JUST LISTEN TO ME?"

"I'm sorry," said Dean, having finally caught on to what Sam was doing. Dean tried his best to fake a whimpering noise, which wasn't that hard considering that John had went off way worse over smaller things.

"YOU'RE A HORRIBLE SON! YOU DESERVE TO BE ALL ALONE IN THE DARK WITH THE SPIDERS, JUST LIKE HARRY FRICKEN POTTER! NO ONE EVEN LIKES YOU, ESPECIALLY NOT FATHER! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW HE COULD LOOK AT YOU WITH THOSE UGLY COATS!" Sam was really hoping this worked. "You... you just disappoint me. And now, because of you, that ugly hunter has to die all alone where no one will remember him." 

Dean wondered if he should act cowardly or fight back. If Castiel was afraid of yelling and shouting, it just might work- if that was what Sam was trying to tell him. "YEAH, WELL GUESS WHAT? NO ONE LIKES THE BABY BROTHER! EVERYONE HATES THE YOUNGER SIBLINGS! FATHER WAS ONLY NICE TO YOU BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT IN THE WELFARE CHECKS! NO ONE LIKES A MAN THAT LIKES PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY!" 

Sam looked seeing Gabriel chanting in Latin. 'So this is how I'm going to die. I should have been an atheist,' thought Sam. 

Castiel was practically running over with his knife in his hands, tackling Sam. However, Cass hadn't really thought about the solid, muscly build of Sam when he chose to pounce like a cat. All those years of John drilling it into Sam to work out and learn unique strategies was paying off, although the methods that John used were needlessly cruel. 

"Wow, you're actually built." Castiel was still squeezing Sam. "If you weren't a monster, we could have been something." 

"And here I was," said Sam in a deadpan voice, "thinking it was because I loved and respected my brother without locking him away. Foolish, foolish me."

"You bitch," growled Castiel.

"Only Dean can call me that," said Sam. He grabbed the knife that Castiel had, dropping it and kicking it to Dean. He then picked Castiel up and moved him far away from him- it took Sam about a minute to get all this done. "Now leave." 

"I can't do that," said Castiel, sighing drearily. "I guess maybe when dad arrives, we'll win." 

Gabriel continued his chanting before coming to a stop. It was then that Castiel started screaming, which caused both Sam and Dean to look away. His anguished wails filled the room for a couple seconds, stopping abruptly. 

Dean turned, signaling to Sam that it was okay for him to do the same. "Hey dude, did you turn Castiel into a dog?" 

It was the only logical explanation for the small little dog. It definitely explained the jet black hair and the ocean blue eyes; it was actually the only possible explanation. Right? He was pitifully small- if Dean really wanted to, he could probably punt Castiel to the other side of the room. And Sam, well, he could probably send Castiel to China with a gentle foot sliding motion. 

"Hells yeah," said Gabriel, giving Dean a charming smile. He turned to Sam, his smile becoming even more charming somehow. "Don't you think he's cuter now than before? Given, you'll always be cuter." 

Dean saw Sam start to blush, and he hoped that the Latin dog man- Gabriel's new nickname via Dean's random thoughts- knew some intense knowledge of serial killers. It was the only one of Sam's kinks that Dean knew about, and Dean really wished he didn't- all because they had to go work a case when they were younger and Sam... well, Dean didn't talk about what Sam did. Hell, even John never mentioned it, and he mentioned everything about everything. 

"He's so small." Sam aww'd at Castiel, who tilted his head at the compliment. "Can he break the curse or...?" 

Gabriel smiled at Sam, pulling a lollipop out of his pocket. "He can. His curse isn't permanent, and it's fairly easy to break. I only cast a few permanent spells- the spell used on my father, the spell used on brat of a sister Naomi, the spell used on my uncle Metatron, and the spell I used on you because I thought you were someone else."

Sam nodded, seemingly accepting the answer. "How can he break it?" 

"He can break it by making up his wrong doings. Given, I have no idea how exactly he'll accomplish that, but I'm sure he'll manage. If he can beat with a baseball bat when he can't write in cursive despite Naomi teaching him for three weeks, I'm sure he'll be just peachy." Gabriel grinned, coming closer to Sam. 

"What do you say if I offer to pay for dinner for you and your brother?" Gabriel was nearly leaning on the front of Sam's chest by this point. "Of course, Cassie will have to stay in the car unless one if you boys have a huge purse."

"I do," said Sam. "It's very nice to carry around my books in." 

"Wonderful," said Gabriel.

And the story goes that a witch, a djinn, a hunter, and a newly turned dog entered a bar...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] If anyone is interested, I did do a bit of reading. I couldn't find much, and I'm not Islamic, so I'm not going to claim to know tons about any parts of Islamic culture. With that being said, that why I mentioned Sam not finding it in anything he read rather than saying it didn't exist at all.


	3. Soulless!Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With Demon!Dean, Crazy!Cass, Soulless!Jack, and Human Blood Addicted!Crowley. This is an AU, so why not?

Dean was staring up at the ceiling, almost like the ceiling fascinated him. He was only wearing a pair of jeans, which was still better than Cass or Sam. Next to the couch, on the floor, were roughly twelve bottles of beers, all of which had been drank hours earlier. No matter how much he drank, he never slept. Hell, even sex didn't help the cruel, villainous demon to sleep- he'd went to over three strip clubs, and the only thing that he had successful accomplished was beating the pulp out of some prick. 

"Dean, have you seen any bees?" Cass walked into the room, still nearly naked. Did wearing a trench coat with nothing else on count as nudity? Cass didn't care nor even bat an eye at the fact that everyone in the Bunker had seen his vessel's entire body naked- and covered in honey, but that had been last week. "Crowley said that bees are dying! He must be lying! Lier's are bad." 

Dean sighed, smiling at Cass regardless. The demon, although he would never admit it, had a soft spot for the confused angel and his brother, who had once again lost his soul. Dean also knew that Sam, despite not having a soul, also had a soft spot for the angel and Jack (and possibly Dean). "No Cass, I haven't seen any bees." 

"Aww," said Cass, pouring lightly. "Has Sam seen any bees? OoOoh, have any bees seen Sam?"

"How would I know?" asked Dean, stretching out some more on the couch. He couldn't comfortably sit on the couch, considering that Dean found it sitting up for the dumpster. Sam had just said to rob a furniture store, but Dean thought that was a bad idea- that was too much attention for a demon, the King of Hell, a soulless moose in a human form, a toddler, and an unstable Angel of the Lord. 

"Have strippers ever paid you for having sex with you?" asked Sam, swaggering around in only his boxers. "I just had a stripper pay me for having sex with him." 

"I'm not a stripper," said Crowley, looking around irritably. "And I only gave you a Hellhound. It was the least I could do since you gave me all that blood, you moose!" 

"Did you know that I participated in an orgy before?" Cass looked around before whispering. "That's right, an orgy. With a donkey!" 

Dean looked mortified, as though he wanted to melt into the floorboards. Crowley just looked, well, more or less surprised. And Sam looked like he didn't give a shit, which was like due to the fact that he didn't. 

"Are you talking about Shrek?" asked Sam with narrowed eyes. 

"Why yes!" said Cass excitedly. "Haven't any of you participating in any orgy? Y'know, watching the show with a friend?The donkey's name was Eliza." 

Dean looked at Sam. "Holy fuc-"

"No cursing, squirrel," said Crowley, smiling at the trio. "Is anyone up for an orgy or should I just go possess someone?" 

"Hang on! Did you bang my brother?" asked Dean, looking as though he were going to puke. 

"I know you're jealous beautiful," said Crowley, winking at Dean. "I'll put you down for an appointment at six, my dearest."

"That didn't answer my question," said Dean irritably. Holy hell, how dense were these people? Well, he was more or less referring to Crowley- he was only referring to Crowley. 

"We banged Dean," said Sam tiredly. "Now, does any want to go to the vegan restaurant near here? I agreed to take Jack with me on the agreement that he stops trying to cause the end of the world. Anyone else up for the ride?" 

"I'm a demon, not a vegan," said Dean, staring up at the ceiling, 

"I'd like to go," answered Cass cheerfully. "I heard that vegan restaurants have bees. And honey! I love bees!" 

"I'll go too," said Crowley. "I'd enjoy me a good little family time with the Winchester bunch. Instead of being Ken and Barbie, we can all be depression and parental issues." 

Sam nodded his head eagerly, smiling as best as he could- he liked like he was half way between growling and yawning. "Yes. You get it. And then, we get naked and have no clue what happened the next morning- except for Jack, because he's, like, two. And Dean, which is pretty self explanatory." 

"Yes," said Cass nodding. "I'd love to talk about my issues about my unloving father while naked. Can we play Twister? Maybe Sorry?" 

"I don't even want to have sex anymore," said Sam. "Let's play Sorry, except we confess our sins to each other so we don't have to go to a priest."

"That sounds fun," agreed Cass. "Maybe strip poker?" 

"Cass, you are already naked," said Crowley. He eyed Sam. "Besides, Moose over there is going to put on no less than thirty layers of clothing." 

"Guys, pull your shit together," said Dean, standing up. "Also, lighten up. Nobody wants to confess their sins, so shut up. I don't want to know where Crowley's put his genital for the past three hundred years or so." 

"Yeah, that's probably true," said Crowley. "You might not be able to think of Bobby the same way anymore. Or your brother." 

"Eww," said Dean, throwing a pillow at Crowley. "I told you to stop. Now, I'm going to go to the strip club. Take Cass's pimp car to the vegan restaurant and have fun. If you don't mind, I'm going to sneak away casually since all of us are absolute disasters and no one really knows what to do with themselves. I might go beat a guy at a bar." 

Jack happened to step in the room in the middle of Dean's rant, which caused the young, soulless Nephilim to have a question. "What's a pimp?"

"Can we talk about how sex is just my coping mechanism for the lack of friendly physical contact in my life?" asked Sam. "I just want to hug and cuddle, but apparently I'm too damaged or something. Also, everyone who bangs me dies rather brutally." 

"Can we talk bees?" asked Cass, nearly wiggling in his newly found seat on the floor. 

"After you get dressed," said Sam, headed off to go get dressed. 

~

Kaia was currently working part-time in a small, locally ran vegan restaurant. On a daily basis, it was pretty quiet. A couple vegans and some vegetarians would come, sometimes even the occasional road worker or banker from down the street. But typically, the restaurant was nearly quiet, as most people did carry-out, as it was quicker, and a lot of people had jobs that didn't allot them enough time to actually sit and eat. Today, of course, was the day that Kaia would begin to wonder if the drug money was worth it.

It started with a typically normal Friday morning. Sarah came in for her daily kale and seaweed smoothie, which she ordered with a small salad, just like normal. Maria and her wife, Rosetta, came in and ordered their normal meal before leaving a generous type, just like every other Friday. Even some Diane Roman came in and ordered a salad and some chips. 

Things started to go slightly astray when Ava Clark, a local (and rather well-known) pole dancer came in to order her strawberry smoothie. She was what most people envisioned that a pole dancer would look like- tall, thin and blonde. And she was rambling about some guy in the studio. 

"I'm not even kidding Kaia! He literally started rambling about how his brother didn't have a soul! There was something about the brother's kid also not... having a soul. There was the King of Hell in their guest bedroom, although, apparently, he was sleeping with the brother that didn't have a soul and a crazy bee man," Ava said, nearly out of breath. "Apparently, the brother also wants to confess his sins and admitted that sex was his unhealthy coping mechanism!" 

"That sounds like a Tumblr post gone wrong," said Kaia, sighing.

"What's Tumblr?" asked Ava. "Never mind. I wonder what that brother looked like. You know, I've always wanted to date a man that was a bit... challenging." 

"There is a difference between a bit challenging and lacking a soul. I mean, what if his brother was a mass murdering lunatic that was wanted by the FBI or something?" Kaia rolled her eyes. "It's bad enough you tried to go out with Vale the vampire." 

Ava sighed. "It's not my fault he got beheaded. I wasn't even there!"

"You have awful taste!" declared Kaia. "You literally wanted to bang Larry the mailman, and he's like, I dunno, sixty. Also, your smoothie will be two dollars and fifty cents." 

"Larry was just... there," said Ava, shrugging her shoulders. "Besides, I never pursed him. Even I know there are some boundaries that you just don't cross." 

"Agreed," said Kaia, although she wouldn't really know. "Give me about one minute to get your smoothie ready!" 

It was then that the door opened, allowing for four males to enter. There was a ridiculous tall man with longer hair, a shorter, slightly more pudgy man dressed as though he were attending a funeral, a black haired man in mismatched clothing with a trench coat, and a younger boy who looked to be anywhere from seventeen to twenty-four years old.

Had Kaia known what exactly these four... morons were going to do, she would have walked out the door without even collecting her check. There were some things that not even money was worth bothering with. 

~

"Sam, why has God forsaken us all?" Jack asked in the most gentle tone, giving Sam a pitiful look. 

It was such a deep question for a toddler to ask, although Sam had already gathered that Jack was long past cuddling up and watching Teletubbies. Jack was beyond all the things that made a child a child, with reminded Sam of Dean in some odd sense; if Sam would have had a soul, he would likely take Jack to the local playground and let him go nuts or take him to the bookstore to buy something that wasn't so depressing. 

"So he can write some books or something," said Cass, shrugging. "He runs a cat blog. Now, I can't understand why he doesn't run a bee blog, especially not when those darling bees deserve some attention- I think they're hornets. Maybe they are wasps. Never mind, they're both cuties."

"They come from the depths of Hell. They're literally worse than demons," said Sam in a dry voice. 

"You come from the depths of Hell," said Cass in a snippy tone.

"Alright there gents," said Crowley, putting his hands on their shoulders. "The lady has moved out of the way. Let's go get some vegan food."

Jack walked up to the counter, giving the teenager behind the counter a bright smile. Jack was cute in the most... strange and unique ways possibly. All he ever wanted to do was help, which was exactly what would get him killed one day- not that it mattered, because any great deity would give Sam exactly what he wanted. 

"Tell her what you'd like to have Jack," said Sam in a slightly gentler tone. The taller man had lost all of his soul, but he still held a soft spot. It was odd, the way the new soulless Sam worked. Sam had bargained with the Empty to get Crowley back, and the Empty had just... agreed.

"I'll have one order of sex and self-indulgence," said Jack, still giving the teen behind the counter- Kaia, her name tag read- a beaming smile.

"You'll have to pardon him," said Sam in a warning tone. "He's simply spent too much time with my brother, who is a complete womanizer at time. He's also probably an alcoholic, but we don't talk about that." 

"Uhm, alright," said Kaia. "What can I get for you all?" 

"I want something covered in honey," said Cass in a gentle tone. "I want to talk about bees while eating honey."

"And I want to be drinking blood from moose, but here we are," said Crowley irritably. "Just order some food and let's go already."

"I'll go first," suggested Sam. "Now everyone, watch carefully. I will take salad option number three. Is it possible for me to have apples in that? And a smoothie with seaweed and spinach?" 

"Sure," said Kaia. 

"I'll go next," said Cass, smiling. "I'll have the sandwich with peanut better and jelly. I love peanut butter and jelly."

"Okay," said Kaia, smiling. Maybe the group wasn't so bad after all...

"Damn it Sam. Stay still," hissed Crowley, trying his hardest to poke Sam with a needle. "You know I can't go for more than three hours with my drugs!"

Kaia could relate to that. Although, it might have been a kinky thing, so maybe she didn't. She wasn't sure that she was super comfortable with this group. "Who's up next?" 

"Me," said Jack excitedly. "I'll take one order of what my dad ordered and one order of what my father ordered." 

Kaia mentally aww'ed. Kaia wanted a girlfriend, but that was a thought for another day. "Of course. That's so cute." 

"Yeah," said Jack, still smiling. "That way, when my other father gets home, he can't try to kill me when I got to eat Sam's tofu. Or kill me whenever he wants to because he kind of hates me, but I love him so much that I literally don't care." 

"Uhm... do... do you want me to call Child Services?" asked Kaia, nearly screaming when she saw the one in trench coat trying to strip. He was only stopped by the taller one that ordered the salad telling him later. "Maybe Teenager Services or something?" 

"Oh no," said Jack. "We're supposed to play Sorry while confessing our sins. I would feel a lot more comfortable talking about losing my soul with Sam than some random pastor guy. At least he knows where I'm coming from."

Kaia gave Jack a nervous laugh. "What the hell?" 

"Hell's fine," said Crowley irritably. "Just give me a number ten!"

Castiel poked Crowley, giggling. "You're funny. Pull my finger!" 

Kaia was pretty sure that she should call security. "This will be twenty-five dollars and seventy-two cents." 

"Here you go," said Sam, handing her a fifty dollar bill from his pocket. "Don't call security. Keep the change."

"Fair enough," said Kaia. "You were all A class citizens." 

"I've never been an A class anything," said Crowley. 

"I was locked on the A floor of a mental institution," said Cass in a sad tone. "Meg took care of me though. She wanted to talk about Sam a lot. Apparently she'd been inside him or something." 

"I almost forgot about that," said Sam. 

"How many people have been inside you, Samantha?" asked Crowley. 

"In what way?" asked Sam in a careless tone. 

"Whatever way," said Crowley. 

"I've been possessed by Meg, the angel Gadreel, Lucifer, and you," said Sam. "If you mean taken against my will, just Lucifer and Becky."

"I think we should invest in some therapy," said Crowley. "We can go together. I can talk about how unloved I am, and you can talk about whatever you all have going on."

"Can we discuss sex?" asked Jack, tilting his head at Crowley in a curious manner. The Nephilim had an unique reaction to meeting Crowley, but he seemingly didn't care that Crowley was a demon- or the former King of Hell, but titles were much too complicated.

"Whatever you want sweetie," said Sam, gently ruffling Jack's hair. "Let's go over to the table and wait for our food. Come along everyone." 

"Why is he allowed to ask about sex?" asked Crowley with an eye roll. "When I do it, it's disgusting and inappropriate. When he does it, he just called sweetie and receives a hair ruffle!" 

Sam gave Crowley a pissy look. "Jack is allowed to be curious about a nature part of life for a good number of people. Given, he's three, but in this line of work, some people just don't understand the word 'no'. Jack has also been pressured into being older, and a part of being older is Dean pressuring you into having intercourse at the gas station while he goes and drinks, despite having been underage at the time." 

"That's very specific," said Jack with a curious look. 

Jack was always curious. He wanted to know more about Earth. It was the beautiful thing about childhood innocence, having unanswered questions that would lead to hair ruffles and adoring smiles. It wasn't knowing the pain of loss or death, nor the deep religious guilt clawing constantly at the mind. There wasn't the raging inner turmoils, at least not quite as presence as they would be once a child lost their childhood forever.

"That's because it is," said Sam tiredly. It wasn't physical exhaustion; Sam couldn't sleep, just like the first time he'd lost his soul. 

Sam was tired as in he was mentally worn. There were all these complicated questions that needed a logical solution and explanation, but some of them- most of them, actually- required emotional abilities that Sam didn't possess. These solutions required pain and sacrifice. Love and loss. Remorse and guilt. Bloodshed and peace. Now, Sam really didn't care about making selfless decisions. This remained true, unless his mind suggested that all of these things were the most logical solution.

Before, Sam had at least let his heart- well, soul- guide him some. There had been sloppy calculations and pleas for horrible things to stop. There had been prayers to a manipulative God who didn't care and offering to spiritual beings that shouldn't have been quite so interested in a troublesome group of strays from Kansas. There had been petty arguments, and there were words thrown that Sam wished he could take back. There were fist fights and screaming. There was countless beers and meaningless romances from boys that just really wanted to be something to someone. 

And now, there was nothing. There was mutual respect and a deep paternal bond between Sam and Jack, along with some sort of complicated relationship with Castiel and Crowley. The simplest relationship was the one that Dean had with the strippers that did all of his requests with him in the backseat of the Impala or in a dark room of a strip club. 

"Okay," said Jack, sitting in a booth in the far corner, right near where the elderly group was sitting. Jack motioned for Sam to sit next to him, leaving Crowley and Castiel to sit across from them. 

There was little old granny with a golden cross headed back to the table while running into stuff and knocking stuff over, another granny with a Bible in her purse, elder papa whose teeth were on the table, and another elder papa, who was hitting people with his cane. And each of them were staring down Sam's family.

"Sam, why are they staring at us?" asked Jack, looking at Sam with slightly widened eyes. Jack dropped his voice to a low whisper. "Do they need to die?" 

Sam gave a hearty laugh, causing the group to appear shocked- they only heard the first part and were rather shocked with the response. "It is fine Jack. The elders probably have cataracts or seeing conditions, so it's completely fine. Now, we don't say anything because that's classified as rude[1]."

"Okay Sam," said Jack with a small smile. "Saying things to elderly people are rude. I understand now. I will allow for the doors to hit them, Dean to floor it when one walks in front of the Impala, and I will allow for them to fall and receive no assistance." 

"That's wonderful, Jack," said Cass proudly. "You're such a fine young child. Later we can practice a weird human ritual or gesture that shows affection or pride." 

Crowley nodded, seemingly excepting Jack as an official part of his team. "Yes, yes. Before long darling, the throne of Hell will be yours." 

At this, a woman stood up from the table and made her way over to Kaia, who was trying not to laugh at the situation. It was either laughter or tears, and she didn't feel like having a mental breakdown. She simply told the lady she had food she had to deliver and all concerns must be given to someone that cared, such as the manager, because Kaia didn't care whatsoever. 

When she brought the group their food over, they smiled at her and gave her an extra tip. And after everyone cleared out, Kaia chose that she was going to find a girlfriend. Oh yeah, it might be worth that she lost her job for not telling the corner group to respect people. 

Yeah, the drug money wasn't worth it.

~

Sam Winchester had always been a red wine person. For Sam, red wine was such a posh and rare thing that it was one of his favorite things. It wasn't salty like the cheap beers that Dean bought by the dozen in a shady gas station. Red wine was such a normal thing, and Sam didn't care what Dean would think. 

Dean thought that red wine was, "a girly drink that all the chicks drink at fancy restaurant." And perhaps he was right about the second part, about the women going to nice restaurants and drinking red wine together. And Sam wanted each of them to have a great time with their red wine, because there wasn't anything wrong with red wine, nor was there any apparent reason as to why exactly a drink should have a gender since they weren't Spanish speaking.

There was also something special about red wine. Some wine was such a beautiful color. The red would look almost like human blood, and for a few seconds, if Sam closed his eyes, he would see Ruby offering him blood. Sam would see the blood of children smeared in nurseries, teenagers' blood smeared all over their cars and their beds, and the blood of unidentified demon possession victims coating his fingers and weapons. It was almost humanizing, like a gentle reminder that Sam wasn't an innocent man. It was a reminder that Sam Winchester was a bringer of death. 

And Sam didn't need the reminder, looking at his broken family and constant presence of death looming over his shoulder. But if Sam got too cocky, it served as a reminder that Sam was a human with gallons of blood on his hands. But this wasn't the reason why Sam really loved red wine, not really. 

The answer was simple: luxury and insurance. Red wine was a luxury, considering that Sam had never had any while living with John. It was something that John hadn't given him; it was an act of defiance against the salty and bitter alcohol that John had drank. It was also insurance that Sam had possessed more than six dollars at some point in his life. And the thought of having a little bit of money made Sam happy. 

And this was how Sam ended up at a cheap store looking for a slightly expensive- no more than fifteen bucks or else Dean would lose his mind- red wine. 

"Sam," said Jack, approaching Sam with a sad, distant look. 

"Yes cricket," said Sam, turning away from his frantic search for his version of expensive wine. 

"Do you think that I'm morally corrupt? Can I call you Sammy? Do you... do you think that I'm bad?" Jack paused momentarily. "Can we watch a movie later?" 

Sam's fingers slowly moved to brush the soft skin of Jack's face. "Jack, listen to me. You're not morally corrupt, nor are you a bad person. You're so younger, so utterly young and innocent. You're so young to be presented with such... morally questionable and hard decisions. And you do your best, and you've done much better than I ever did. You're not bad Jack, you're really not.

"And yes, you can call me by the horrid nickname if it makes you feel better. You can call me whatever you'd like. And yes, we can go home and watch a cartoon. No Japanese cartoon porn, though."

"Okay," said Jack. 

"Now," said Sam, giving Jack a dollar bill, "run along and buy yourself something nice. And remember, murder is still illegal in this state."

Jack touched the dollar bill with an intense interest. "Fascinating Sam. I'm going to buy something nice for all of us." 

Who was Sam to deprive him of his dream? "Go for it." 

Sam touched a bottle of red wine, nearly smiling at the texture. There was a cheap paper with a modest picture on it, and Sam was greatly pleased to see that the bottle was only eleven dollars and some change. Sam could- and would- feel like a rich man for the night, even though he was nearly broke. 

Sam wondered who he would have to kill to get some really expensive red wine. He deserved expensive red wine- no, he more than deserved it. Lucifer had done horrible things to him... for what reward on Sam's behalf? Not being able to buy a bottle of decent wine? What the hell type of reward was that? 

Sam couldn't get that angry about alcohol. He just needed to breathe a little bit... maybe investing in some sort of yoga instruction would be useful. Everyone would benefit from that. Maybe Dean would loosen up a bit and stop acting like such an ass to a literal toddler. Sam... well, he might have to commit some minor crimes to get the money for yoga. Was that really the worst thing that Sam could do? 

No, Sam's done much worse for less. It was fine. Casual theft was as close to well-behaved as the Winchesters could get. Besides, they deserved it. Now, the question was how to hack into Nick Vaught's bank account, since it was likely froze due to the fact he up and vanished. Or maybe he'd hack right into Chuck Shurley's account, since Chuck was such a bastard. The main question now was: is it better to spite Lucifer or God? Answer: why not both?

"Sammy, look what I found!" Jack came back hold a package of rainbow candy. "We can all taste colors now, apparently. Isn't that fascinating?" 

"It sure is poppet," said Sam. 

"Sam, is it okay if I buy a jar of honey?" Castiel hollered from a different aisle. 

"Go for it," said Sam. "I literally don't care." 

Sam did, in fact, not care. He didn't care that Jack had nearly stabbed someone- actually, this was untrue, as Sam worried that the person might have gotten blood on Jack's favorite flannel shirt. He didn't care that Castiel was stuffing honey in the pockets of his trench coat, nor did he care that Crowley was trying to stab him for some blood. He didn't care that the cop sirens in the distance where likely headed to arrest them- the cops were actually going to arrest Dean, who was refusing to pay for his services at the local strip club. 

And Sam, well, he was just getting started. The new soulless Sam, along with his other messed up pals, had some business to finish. And they had no intentions of stopping. 

[1] Soulless!Sam didn't care. I'm not saying this in a way to offend anyone, but it just seemed like such a Soulless!Sam thing to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the Kudos! I really appreciate them. :)


End file.
